Grade School=anxiety

There is something about being near, in or around my children's elementary school that causes me anxiety. I am not sure if it is exclusive to the school because I get a similar feeling in any group setting. As stupid as it may sound I am fairly certain this has to do with memories from my own grade school that are less than positive.

I should be clear that I was not a victim of bullying nor did I have academic or behavioral issues. I got along with most teachers and most people. I wasn't popular or unpopular. But I was acutely aware of my status as neither of those two things. I think I have spent the better part of my life and a great deal of energy maintaining that "neither here no there" status. I strive for pleasant invisibility whenever possible.

I guess when I am at my kids' school it is no longer just me I am aware of. I suppose wondering what the teachers, kids, moms think of me and them is what plagues me. I see the cliquish nature of the moms and teachers. And you can see it in the kids as well. What if my daughter is invisible but doesn't want to be? What if she is unhappy? Maybe this is the root of my uncomfortableness at school. In addition I am aware of a certain force parents put on their children to strive for success. For example, student council/mini popularity contest. I don't really exert that on my kids. But perhaps I should? Having kids in school is a tricky business. Until I find better answers to my anxiety I intend to send in money and baked goods and hold onto my identity of pleasant invisibility.