WARNING ALL CRIMINALS!

I recently received one of those WARNING!WARNING!WARNING! emails that details the latest in dangerous parking lot scams. Couple of thoughts on these...First, I know the senders are always well meaning and worried for the safety of their friends. Second, I sometimes imagine the look on the face of the perpetrators when the warning email inevitably makes it to their inbox. "Sh*t! Foiled again. Damn internet! Bruce, cancel the paper on the back window trick! They're on to us!"

This latest one led my mind in another direction. In this criminal brainstorm a piece of paper such as a receipt is left on a car's back window. The assumption is a driver gets into the car, starts to back out, notices the piece of paper on the back window, gets out to retrieve it and Viola! the carjackers jump into your car and speed away. Adding insult to injury "they practically mow you down with your car as they take off!"

I couldn't help but laugh. First of all, if anyone has seen my minivan or met my kids you can be sure a piece of paper on the back window is about the last thing that would catch my attention. Even if it did it would pale in comparison to the shit inside my petri dish on wheels. In the very very unlikely case that I did notice it and it bothered me I would probably either tell one of the kids the get it or I would drive erratically and fast until it was dislodged. I would like to see the statistics if any exist on the number of MINI VANS this happens to.

Here's the scene: I walk to my car from a long afternoon at the mall. I am screaming at the kids, the kids are screaming at me. I am dragging my two-year-old by the wrist as he has decided to let his body go boneless in a late day fit. The carjackers are in wait ready to pounce when they spot me moving towards their target vehicle. "Crap! Quick we gotta get that receipt off of her window! Abort! Abort!" They may be criminals but are they this stupid? The email mentions that if this happens to a woman she probably had her purse in there and now they have her address, keys, wallet, etc. In my case, the only thing they would score is a car full of meltdown as I carry my ID and credit card in my back pocket since I have no free hands left for carrying a purse. That is a luxury I have long since surrendered. I do not believe I am impervious to crime but after a long day at the mall with the kids if I spy a piece of paper on my back window I will just start my car, head back inside for some coffee and teach those thieves a lesson.