I try to keep my religious views in check as much as possible...okay, no I really don't. So today I took a moment to glance at the newspaper and was reminded of my irritation regarding Todd Jones who has decided that people care enough about or don't care enough about or should care more about the wonderfully boring steps it takes to become a Catholic priest. So much so that a full series of articles should be written and published. As an aside I have a secret hope that Mr Jones is related to the priest at hand because otherwise that man needs to get out more often. Surprisingly enough, this did not make my previous post list of things I do not give a shit about. This one I actually do care about. Or more accurately I am concerned about.

I am concerned that this series continues to grace (good pun, huh?) the front page of the paper though thankfully it has moved to the bottom of the page. To further irritate me a story regarding organized religion that may actually have some positive social value -- Lutheran and Protestant churches accepting gays -- has only made the Metro section. Funny I think. How much more inane would the Catholic story appear when stuck right next to an article addressing other denominations facing more "progressive" and pressing social issues? Like the joke that it is I suppose.

Now I'm not saying I think the religion itself is a joke (not out loud, not here anyway) but what I'm saying is I think it's missed the boat by about 100 years. I admittedly could not get through today's story but I did read the first one that took up way too much ink and space. The gist of it is there is a shortage of Catholic priests. And in the entire thing one, maybe two short paragraphs addressed that "little problem" the church has or had or ignored over the years. WE paid out the billions, right? So now it should go away. To downplay a central issue which should be enough to at least cause some sort of introspection of the some of the central tenets of the organization is just plain denied and/or hidden. Still.

Though I will give that the crimes of pedophiles and/or sexual predators as priests may not necessarily add to the lack of people signing up per se I do think both problems stem in some way from the priestly requirements. In the story it states the church is growing in members (surprising to me) but the priests are declining in numbers. Will the church consider letting the clergy marry? Nope. What about women? Oh GOD NO. And how would they stack up against their Metro Section rivals regarding issues of gays and lesbians? NO, never, not here.

Tonight I say a prayer...please god or universe or aliens or any higher power out there... please don't be as stupid and narrow minded as these people make you out to be.

Things I don't really give a s**t about

I realize writing about things that I allegedly do not care about is contradictory but I don't care. I feel the need to vomit out the negativity in my own sordid little head. I do not give a shit about the following things in no particular order aside from one in which I typed them:

* Leann Rimes (a star? scandal? My word.)
* Whether the king of pop was gay (if he was gay that was one of many things he was and the least interesting, really)
* The Cash for Clunkers program (done and gone)
* Whales ( Thank you, Paul Watson, idiot savant, and all your livin' at home, young, unemployed loser volunteers)
* Health Care reform (why are we so angry about not having access to those who will help us when we are sick and diseased but still biggie size our drive thru dinners which we eat on our way to DQ?)
* PTO (Campbell soup labels rock but still haven't made my top 100 list of most important things in life)
* Brett Favre (sometimes you just gotta let go, buddy)
* Michael Vick (can you tell GTC makes me listen to sports talk radio? Michael served time and will retain about the same amount of character as before and about the same amount of athleticism as before and likely will be charged with something again in his lifetime. Stop complaining. I want to watch.)


That's not nearly all I don't care about but I'm too lazy to go on.

WARNING ALL CRIMINALS!

I recently received one of those WARNING!WARNING!WARNING! emails that details the latest in dangerous parking lot scams. Couple of thoughts on these...First, I know the senders are always well meaning and worried for the safety of their friends. Second, I sometimes imagine the look on the face of the perpetrators when the warning email inevitably makes it to their inbox. "Sh*t! Foiled again. Damn internet! Bruce, cancel the paper on the back window trick! They're on to us!"

This latest one led my mind in another direction. In this criminal brainstorm a piece of paper such as a receipt is left on a car's back window. The assumption is a driver gets into the car, starts to back out, notices the piece of paper on the back window, gets out to retrieve it and Viola! the carjackers jump into your car and speed away. Adding insult to injury "they practically mow you down with your car as they take off!"

I couldn't help but laugh. First of all, if anyone has seen my minivan or met my kids you can be sure a piece of paper on the back window is about the last thing that would catch my attention. Even if it did it would pale in comparison to the shit inside my petri dish on wheels. In the very very unlikely case that I did notice it and it bothered me I would probably either tell one of the kids the get it or I would drive erratically and fast until it was dislodged. I would like to see the statistics if any exist on the number of MINI VANS this happens to.

Here's the scene: I walk to my car from a long afternoon at the mall. I am screaming at the kids, the kids are screaming at me. I am dragging my two-year-old by the wrist as he has decided to let his body go boneless in a late day fit. The carjackers are in wait ready to pounce when they spot me moving towards their target vehicle. "Crap! Quick we gotta get that receipt off of her window! Abort! Abort!" They may be criminals but are they this stupid? The email mentions that if this happens to a woman she probably had her purse in there and now they have her address, keys, wallet, etc. In my case, the only thing they would score is a car full of meltdown as I carry my ID and credit card in my back pocket since I have no free hands left for carrying a purse. That is a luxury I have long since surrendered. I do not believe I am impervious to crime but after a long day at the mall with the kids if I spy a piece of paper on my back window I will just start my car, head back inside for some coffee and teach those thieves a lesson.