Anatomy of the Surprise Party

I may have touched on this in the past but I am not into surprise parties. I'm not into getting them and I'm not into giving them. Some might say I have no sense of adventure, no spontaneity. However, this I can dispute with a myriad of anecdotal evidence dating from adolescence to present. I have spent many a morning wondering why I had done some thing or the other the night before. I consistently buy things not on my list at the store. Not spontaneous? Think again. And I don't mind surprises per se. Just surprise parties. I think they are stupid. And here is why...

A surprise party like many "gifts" benefits mainly if not only the giver. They either feel they have done something special for the person in disallowing them access to the particulars of a celebration in their honor in which case they are almost always doomed to be off target OR they feel they have "gotten one over" on the person in which case they are a bit competitive and/or rude and mean. I especially hate the mentality that insists a person who hates surprise parties is the one who should get one.

But let's take a look at the likely intention of the party giver. They believe they are being thoughtful. This is the kicker for me. How many of us have sat and wished someone, someday would hopefully throw us a surprise party? Maybe we've said we wouldn't mind it but actively wanting one? When asked "What do you want for your birthday?" some might say cash, gold, a night out, etc.. "Oh yeah, and a surprise party PLEEEAASSSE." Just not likely.

On to the guest list. The mother of all disaster. I have always contended that surprise party guest lists end up being a gathering of people that would otherwise all be seen together only at my funeral. Since the giver needs to necessarily go for big numbers because, well, three people at your target's party just smells of sad, the giver will call everyone in your phone that resembles a friend. Careful consideration should be given to whether a particular guest is an actual friend. Some quick tips:

* If the person has been to my home dropping off something (pan I left from the bake sale) or someone (i.e their kid) there's a good chance I would label them "acquaintance" rather than friend and would NOT want to see them at my house to celebrate any milestones.

* Facebook friend --- WAY different than actual friend in most cases. If you don't know what I mean I just feel sorry for you.

*My old college roommate that lives in town but for some reason has never been over. Yeah, there's a reason for that.

*That family member whose presence seems to change my personality completely. When they are around you can see the word "tense" spelled out on both of our brows. Save that miraculous reuniting for another occasion.

*My hairdresser is cool, but seriously...

So if you are thinking of giving someone you love a surprise party you might want to think again. Though in the end they will appreciate your effort take note. If they don't say at the end of the night "we should have them all over more often" then you might want to just buy gold next time.