Sad little Thomas cake

I just finished crafting a Thomas the Tank Engine cake for my son's 2nd birthday. He won't care or know that the cake is for him or for his birthday. GTC spent hours building a kick ass sand and water table and the little boy will have no concept what went into it or that it is for him. We do these things for our children yet somehow it isn't really for our children at the age of two. It's for the grown ups and older children. I wonder what a two year would actually say they wanted for their birthday if they grasped the concept that it was "their day." I have a few ideas:

-Get this stupid party hat off of my head -- NOW.

- Why are all these people singing? Please make them stop.

- Mom, could you just leave me in my crappy diaper today? I don't really mind and it's a hassle stopping my play time to get changed.

- I would like 50 DO-NUTS -- NOW.

- Please stop talking and asking me to say things. It is tiring. I know what you're saying, you know what I'm trying to say so can't we just agree to point and run and laugh?

- I'd like that big box thingy up on that shelf to play Thomas the Tank Engine nonstop, all day, every day.

-I want you to just wait over there and come every time I call immediately so you can get for me whatever it is that I want at that moment. That way I won't have to scream and lay boneless on the ground in a heap of meltdown when you decide to answer your phone or read something.

-Another great entertainment idea would be for you to fall down making a loud noise many, many times over and over and over. That one just never gets old.

-If you're gonna make me unwrap a bunch of store bought presents and gush over it then at least extend to me the courtesy of letting me play with the box it came in.

-Thanks for a great birthday. You go ahead. I'll shut off the lights and lock up when I'm done playing...

Happy day.

More from CNN.com and TIME

In other news...

They forgot to mention that even though some were poked for real and some were semi-poked with toothpicks ALL participants were first fed the olive from the toothpick that came from the 8 martinis they drank.

Oh thank god.

I think the decision speaks for itself. Miss California -- still Miss California. We can all stop holding our breath.

Piss off you bastard flu

Hah! For three days in a row now (hmm...why don't those two words rhyme...) the rogue disease dubbed, "swine flu" has been absent from the front page of my local Dispatch. Even CNN.com breaking news reported the second American death half-heartedly posting the headline and quickly moving it down the ticker as they learned she had "underlying chronic health problems." Where are you, swine flu? Not in the news anymore. Don't feel bad because your next visit is probably to my home if you aren't here already. As an aside I feel like crap today -- runny nose, coughing, but alas, no fever. I am prepared with my surgical gear so fear not and it will not stop me from making fun of you.

Let's take a look at what has bumped you from the marquee. Tax levies! No one cares about those judging from some widespread failure yet it has stolen your spotlight. Which brings me to another rant. Why not pass a school or a library levy? Worse yet why actively campaign against one? In the end the failure of your suburb's school or library levy makes you -- yes, YOU personally -- look dumb. I don't mean, "you stinky dumbhead" type dumb. I mean low IQ, lack of vision, pulled your own rug out from under yourself type dumb.

I especially would like to highlight the UA library levy failure. It would have increased homeowners of a $100,000 home by about 30 bucks per yer(okay, in UA that price range doesn't exist but we need that for ease of calculations -- it's still nominal). You tight-ass, ignos. What in the hell are you thinking? The education of your community's youth is an integral part of the foundation of your property value and your economic base as a whole. The educational resources of your community part of which is a library holds the same importance. And no, I am not biased just because I was previously employed in such an establishment. It just makes good sense. Good going to all the districts that failed to pass school and library levies due to personal financial concerns and welcome to many more years of those concerns coming to fruition due to just that mindset.