Let's induce some panic

Germs are in the air. There are some especially pesky ones in the air now that may kill you and your entire community. We may sometimes neglect to tell you that germs have always been in the air and have always been killing people in your community from the beginning of time but make no mistake now is the time where people everywhere though mostly in Mexico are instantly dropping like flies. Well, not instantly and not a huge number but still. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie OUTBREAK with Dustin Hoffman but it could be way worse than that. I mean it could be so why not just imagine it is and act accordingly? People will bleed instantly from their pores if anyone sneezes near them. The only way it can be prevented judging from newspaper photos is surgical scrubs including masks and gloves. If someone near you sneezes run like hell (screaming while you're at it to alert others in your path) to the closest hospital. If you fail to panic you have simply failed. Stay indoors, stay away from Mexico, wash your hands until the skin comes off and for god's sake do not eat bacon regardless of what the CDC says. They do not know very much. Just because people die every season from other strains of the flu at much higher rates and thousands have contracted this flu and have not died doesn't mean anything. Sure, there are vaccines to those other strains (though people still die?) and there isn't one to this strain. Yet. In the meantime, this is no time for leisure or common sense or calm. Seal up all the entrances and hunker down. And do not forget to worry like hell. For more information or lack thereof see tomorrow's paper.