I don't want to shock anyone but I have been reading a self-help book. This one is about setting boundaries. Boundaries are a thing I am somewhat unfamiliar with. Apparently, one is allowed to say no to requests for favors, to invitations, to impositions in addition to "standing up for oneself." On top of that, a person may find it helpful and even productive to state one's reasons for doing so. This concept is fabulously new yet slow going for me. The way my mind processes new concepts is it begins with the negative and eventually gets to the positive or action state. In other words, so far I have learned what boundary setting is NOT. I will attempt to illustrate my new found knowledge in a series of statements.
Statements without clear boundaries:
- It's a little bit hurtful and uncomfortable but if it works for you go ahead and twist your car keys through my eyeball. Ouch. I mean, I'm okay. Maybe we could try this later instead? I have to get the kids to school. Never mind, if this is the only time that you can do it.
- Why, of course, I can come over to your place at 8 a.m. and watch your kids for you. I do need to get my kids dressed, fed and to school first, but...what? Oh it has to be 8? Okay, I will have to put my foot down and bring my kids, their clothes, their breakfast and then will have to load all of the kids in or on the car to take them to school and...what? Oh that won't work for you? Okay, well, my kids are pretty self sufficient and can stay at home by themselves and if they have to skip school what's one day? I will be over at 7:45. Do you need me to clean your house as well?
-It's okay this time but the next time I will really be upset. I mean hurt. I actually mean it's a little hurtful. What I mean to say is who do I think I am really? I can't judge you or your actions. For goodness sake, please ignore that I have spoken. My feelings are so immature. You go ahead and do your thing. I will continue to smile through it all to make you feel better about it. I am glad I got that out. Whew.
I will try to come up with more if it isn't clear. I mean if it's not clear it is clearly my fault and there is something innately deficient in me so don't worry about it. Just blame me. I mean don't blame me.
I think I have some more reading to do.
5 comments:
I hope it's OK that I'm leaving a comment. I mean, I don't want to assume I understand how you feel or even what you're going through. That would be presumptuous. I can be so self absorbed. If there's anything I can do to make this up to you, please let me know. I mean, I don't assume that this affects you as deeply as it does me, of course. That would be arrogant. I'm sorry.
The old me would say "No, no, I am sorry." But after my latest read the new me says "Darn right. Just watch yourself, missy."(with only slight trepidation) And by the way,How are you? How's the baby? I saw some cute, cute, cute pics.
Good for you! We should all grow such a hairy pair. I'm good. Baby's awesome. He blows raspberries on my boob. That sounds bad.
How are your three angels? I get to hear stories from their Uncle Phil. Pretty good stuff.
okay, enough with the chit-chat. ahole, this apartment of mine ain't gonna clean itself. Whenever you can is fine with me - as long as it's Saturday morning.
Pdawg, there is no possible way I can do that Saturday morning. At least not before 6 am.
Excruciatingly - raspberries are better than bite marks. The kids are my boundary testers. Right now I am tied up and being held hostage in exchange for a pop tart breakfast. I am holding strong though.
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