Let's induce some panic

Germs are in the air. There are some especially pesky ones in the air now that may kill you and your entire community. We may sometimes neglect to tell you that germs have always been in the air and have always been killing people in your community from the beginning of time but make no mistake now is the time where people everywhere though mostly in Mexico are instantly dropping like flies. Well, not instantly and not a huge number but still. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie OUTBREAK with Dustin Hoffman but it could be way worse than that. I mean it could be so why not just imagine it is and act accordingly? People will bleed instantly from their pores if anyone sneezes near them. The only way it can be prevented judging from newspaper photos is surgical scrubs including masks and gloves. If someone near you sneezes run like hell (screaming while you're at it to alert others in your path) to the closest hospital. If you fail to panic you have simply failed. Stay indoors, stay away from Mexico, wash your hands until the skin comes off and for god's sake do not eat bacon regardless of what the CDC says. They do not know very much. Just because people die every season from other strains of the flu at much higher rates and thousands have contracted this flu and have not died doesn't mean anything. Sure, there are vaccines to those other strains (though people still die?) and there isn't one to this strain. Yet. In the meantime, this is no time for leisure or common sense or calm. Seal up all the entrances and hunker down. And do not forget to worry like hell. For more information or lack thereof see tomorrow's paper.

Boundaries

I don't want to shock anyone but I have been reading a self-help book. This one is about setting boundaries. Boundaries are a thing I am somewhat unfamiliar with. Apparently, one is allowed to say no to requests for favors, to invitations, to impositions in addition to "standing up for oneself." On top of that, a person may find it helpful and even productive to state one's reasons for doing so. This concept is fabulously new yet slow going for me. The way my mind processes new concepts is it begins with the negative and eventually gets to the positive or action state. In other words, so far I have learned what boundary setting is NOT. I will attempt to illustrate my new found knowledge in a series of statements.

Statements without clear boundaries:

- It's a little bit hurtful and uncomfortable but if it works for you go ahead and twist your car keys through my eyeball. Ouch. I mean, I'm okay. Maybe we could try this later instead? I have to get the kids to school. Never mind, if this is the only time that you can do it.

- Why, of course, I can come over to your place at 8 a.m. and watch your kids for you. I do need to get my kids dressed, fed and to school first, but...what? Oh it has to be 8? Okay, I will have to put my foot down and bring my kids, their clothes, their breakfast and then will have to load all of the kids in or on the car to take them to school and...what? Oh that won't work for you? Okay, well, my kids are pretty self sufficient and can stay at home by themselves and if they have to skip school what's one day? I will be over at 7:45. Do you need me to clean your house as well?

-It's okay this time but the next time I will really be upset. I mean hurt. I actually mean it's a little hurtful. What I mean to say is who do I think I am really? I can't judge you or your actions. For goodness sake, please ignore that I have spoken. My feelings are so immature. You go ahead and do your thing. I will continue to smile through it all to make you feel better about it. I am glad I got that out. Whew.


I will try to come up with more if it isn't clear. I mean if it's not clear it is clearly my fault and there is something innately deficient in me so don't worry about it. Just blame me. I mean don't blame me.

I think I have some more reading to do.

Somalian Pirates Vow Revenge

Uh.... okay...

A while back I thought I had found the all-time dumbest when I stumbled upon gang signs in the NFL. Stupid as it still is I believe the pirates may have topped it. Granted there surely exist hardships for one who engages in piracy and the Western World is surely to blame in there somewhere but I can't imagine I am the only person reacting to these stories with the sentiment of, "Huh?"

Let's back up a little. So you decide a life of piracy (aka: a crime) is the only way to make ends meet. You come up with the plausible idea of holding merchant ships worth millions hostage for a portion of their worth. The owners of the ship want to continue business and don't want anyone or any property hurt so they pay you. This happens with some frequency over time. In no time it seems the pirate has found some financial relief. What better way to enjoy that relief than a mansion off the coast of your homeland? And now it seems you also have somehow convinced yourself that it is your right to continue on with what you now undoubtedly consider your occupation without anyone impinging on your criminal activities. But, wait, someone called you out and shot your people? The nerve. Yes, yes, revenge is your only recourse. Good thinking. So now you vow to kill Americans and French instead of just terrorizong and threatening to kill everyone. Way to slip under the radar.

I can't wait to see how this one shakes out. I am putting my money on the military though.

Easter Schmeaster

If you know me you may also be aware that I like to criticize organized religion. It is a past time of sorts. Some days it angers me but most days the irony and hypocrisy is quite comical. The problem though is the influence of organized religion is so pervasive and deeply ingrained that although our common sense might send us away from it our FEAR keeps us desperately clinging to the structure of it even if we do so secretly and silently. In this way I find it akin to Nazi Germany. That's just my preface for the words I am about to write which will almost assuredly seal my place setting in hell if hell does in fact exist.

Yesterday as I was driving towards home around noon on a Friday there seemed to be a slight traffic delay. This struck me as very unusual for the location and time of day. I figured there must have been an accident. As I inched along I saw a row of about 50 or so people walking on the road. I thought "totally cool" as I assumed I had stumbled past some sort of political protest. As I got closer I saw a man in the front pounding on a small drum and then a group of folks behind him carrying something. Yep. A cross. Seriously? My posture changed immediately from cynical curiosity to irritation. I rolled down my window and screamed, "Get on the f***ing sidewalk!" Not really, but I did want to.

Then I started thinking what if any other religion besides the country sponsored Christianity tried this? What if the satan worshippers carried along a sacrificial dead goat? Or if the Buddhists walked along in their loin cloths? Maybe people wouldn't stop them but they would be directed to the damn sidewalk in the least. I can't really express my feelings on this...I just think the ostentatious display of devoutness might actually be more devout if it was done in a way that wasn't screaming "Look at me! I am Christian/Catholic (or whatever they probably did have matching tees) I am going to heaven!! That's why I am allowed to stop traffic and run on the road." Ok, I'm not even being funny anymore. This is just irritating...I'm all for freedom of religion but also freedom from religion.... get off the road.

Hallucinagenic Ramblings

I'm not really drunk or on drugs at this moment but having some of those odd thoughts that pop in from time to time. The thoughts make me giggle or embarrassed and then I have to spend hours listening to Anthony Robbins, watching basketball or some equally mind numbing activity to erase the visuals from my mind. I'm gonna try venting the thoughts here in the hope that they will find an alternative home. And maybe just maybe my anger will subside.

The first thing on my mind is derived from a conversation GTC and I had about a week ago. He started talking about all the talk to legalize drugs. I am not sure I really care about that but it got us to thinking about what the marketing for that would look like. Maybe something like this:

A beautiful woman walks into a bar. She surveys the scene looking for her friends. At the end of the bar are 2 married businessmen looking very serious while gazing at blueprints strewn across the bar. The bartender is approaching them with the bong hits they ordered. Toward the middle of the bar is a couple. The woman is sexily tying off the man's arm above his elbow with a rubber tube. He waits patiently with syringe in his free hand. At the end of the bar 5 younger men all turn to the woman who has just entered. They momentarily abandon the lines of coke they have cut for themselves and try to flag her down with an offer of a free line. She shrugs and walks straight to the bathroom where she finds her two BFFs smoking crack. (ha. get it?) ....

So it goes with my mind. Then my mind goes to the dark place and I start thinking the real answer to our drug problem is to lace all illegal drugs that can be found with a dose of lethal poison. Once it gets around that it might just kill instantly a lot of people might not try drugs. And those who were killed, well, problem solved. Multiple problems solved really. It's kind of a learning curve. People wouldn't pick up a gun and think"I have heard these are dangerous. Hmm.. Wonder what this thing does.." So will be the process with illegal drugs.

All my dark and odd imaginings do not relate to drugs. Some of them relate to seemingly innocuous things. For example, the newspaper today had a feature about tips for runners. One tip caught my attention in particular. It said be aware of your surroundings and either don't use an ipod or keep the volume low (or something like that). The last part is what got me especially women should always be aware of their surroundings... There was no explanation as to why women might be particularly responsible for an awareness of their surroundings. Perhaps it is because women are responsible for keeping our streets and parks clean and so when running women should make sure to keep things tidy. Or maybe women are very susceptible to tripping. Far more than men. Okay, here's my thing with this-- if you are going to say something like that follow it up with your intention and reasoning. In feminist circles this is called a woman's "Rape watch." We are always on this watch and it is our responsibility to always be aware and adjust accordingly to ever present and ongoing expectation that we will be victimized. I am not necessarily disputing what was said just pissed off that the writer thinks it has to be said. We all know it, you jerk. Men are supposed to rape women. We'll keep an eye out for it. Thanks for your input though.