So tired...

I am so tired of bullshit. Irony in that is all I spew is bullshit. That's all I got. Bunch of stupid ass bullshit theories and ideas on life that I got mostly from observing my dysfunctional family and reading lots of self-help books with a sprinkling of overpriced and way overvalued professional help. I have come to the conclusion that I was either:

a. Abandoned by a pack of wolves shortly after my birth and found by my parents. They noticed I was female which their current family was short on and thought with a lot of work they might be able to make me human(my dad always claimed I was an ugly baby and I can get very hairy without the proper hygiene). Alas, as they now realize after my 40th birthday it was all for naught. You really cannot take the beast out regardless of the best intentions and copious amounts of catholic conditioning.

b. Mixed up with another family's baby. I have no basis for this one except maybe it was a slow day at the farm and between me and the other newborn she was way uglier.

c. Alan Funt decided to experiment with something a little bit meatier than a talking mailbox and any minute now he will be jumping out, screaming, "SMILE! You are on candid camera!" In the likely case that he is now dead I can only hope he has passed on my file to Ashton Kutcher and I will soon learn instead that I've been punked. Last resort is Howie Mandell. It's sort of his m.o. and I am running out of options.

d. Some combination of the above.

Can barely take it anymore...